2026-01-14.4_only so much

i want to be so much, but i can only do so much.

m(y) body constantly reaches out, the desire to do more, know more, contribute more; aching.

m(y) mind takes a hundred lines of flight a minute, m(y) eyes see a hundred possibilities passing by.

i wish i could know everything i want to know about history & politics faster. i wish i could do more to contribute to building revolutionary solidarity now.

i want to be so much, but i can only do so much.

and the worst thing is that that ‘only so much’ is the only thing keeping m(y) body together, the only thing keeping it from dissolving.

that ‘only so much’ that i wish could be more is me.

and that me, this me, is not enough. at least it doesn’t feel like enough. and i know that needs to change. and i’m getting there. but it’ll take some time.

and letting go.

letting go of the me that pretends they don’t have a body. the me that could do everything if only they didn’t have limits.

we’ve been through a lot together. you’ve given m(e) much i cherish & will cherish in the future. but the time has come to part ways. you’ll always be a part of m(e), a part of the path i walk. but you are a part that i have to leave behind now.